Thursday, June 25, 2009

What I have learned in a year

A lot has happened in this last year and if I don't express my thoughts I would be most ungrateful.
For those that don't remember it was a year ago that we were told that out daughter was having a problem with here pregnancy. For those who might not know this was how Tamar posted last year.
Friday, June 27, 2008
I am not sure how to write this post but I think that in some ways it will be therapeutic. As most of you know we are expecting our third child. I am 21 weeks today and due November 7th. This past Monday we went in for a routine anatomy ultrasound. (I should say here that this pregnancy has been anything but routine, I have had some bleeding at 13 weeks and lots of back cramps though out) Right away I could tell that this ultrasound was different than the ones that I had with the girls. I thought that maybe I had just lost some of my skill at being able to read them but when the doctor was finished and said that he wanted to see us in his office I knew that nothing good ever comes from meetings with doctors in their offices. The first thing he told us was that the fluid level around the baby was very low and because of that the ultrasound was very difficult to read. Low fluid is bad for a lot of different reasons. It could mean that there is something wrong with the baby's urinary system since at this point in the pregnancy the baby makes the amniotic fluid. It could mean that my membranes were ruptured and that I was leaking fluid and did not know it. This is bad because if the membranes are ruptured then the barrier between the baby and the outside world is broken making infection more of a possibility. The amniotic fluid is important for a lot of reasons. It provides a cushion of protection from the outside world and gives the baby room to move around. It is also responsible for the maturation of the lungs and the digestive system since the baby continually swallows it. Well if that news was not enough the doctor also told us that the scan showed a possible heart defect as well as some other things that led him to believe that our baby has some kind of chromosome abnormality. Needless to say this was all very hard to digest. We left his office that day with a referral to The Children's Hospital of Philadelphia (CHOP) for a second opinion. We have felt very blessed to live in a part of the country where top hospitals are everywhere.We went for our second opinion yesterday. I was amazed by the kindness of the people and the advances in technology. They were able to perform a very extensive ultrasound as well as a echo cardiogram (a study of the heart) on the baby. When the tests were done we met with the OB at CHOP. The news was not good. The fluid level was still low and the doctor said that it was due to a hematoma that I had earlier in the pregnancy that was now being broken down by my body. The same things that break down the hematoma are also very hard on the fluid membrane which in time will most likely cause my membranes to rupture and put me into preterm labor. The doctor said in all his years he has never seen a membrane reseal itself and so he did not expect our baby to make it. The good news is that the heart and the other abnormalities that they saw initially seemed fine on the scan done at CHOP. The doctor talked about our options which were few. I could choose to say that this pregnancy was not meant to be and deliver then which to me was out of the question. I have felt this baby move inside of me constantly for the last 5 weeks and his heart is strong. I do not think that I get to decide when his chances for survival are over. The other option is to just wait. Anyone who knows me knows I do not wait well especially when I do not know the outcome of my waiting. I would do anything to give my son the opportunity to live on this earth and to be able to hold him even just once. The thing is that I could go into labor at any time or my body could develop an infection if the membranes are already broken. As for now I am praying that we can make it a few more weeks to give him a real chance at survival but if that is not Heavenly Fathers will then I am praying that our son will be taken home quickly. I would like to ask for your prayers. I know that Heavenly Father loves me and that he has always taken care of me and my family. I am praying for understanding and peace. This experience has given me a whole new understanding on what it means to really be able to submit our will to our Father. There is nothing that I want more than to have another child bless our home and that has been my desire for what seems to me a long time, but if the time is not now then I will have to pray for the understanding and the courage to keep going forward. I do believe that miracles happen. I do know that Heavenly Father can heal my body and allow my son to come to the earth and I pray that that will be the case but if not I pray for understanding and comfort. Thank you to everyone who has already been praying for us. I know that without your faith and prayers we would never have made it this far. I love you all.
I can't tell yo how this made me feel. My daughter was far away and I felt helpless. I knew we would just lay this on the altar and let God's will be done. I know everyone was concerned and over the next several weeks and months many added their faith and prayers in behalf of Tamar and her family.
One year has gone by since that day. Kyle is doing wonderful. He has a sleep test tomorrow and hopefully will lose his need for oxygen that he is hooked up to at night.
I know people say this often and it may sound a bit prideful. I know that God lives and loves us. I am not sure why he takes a personal interest in us but he does. I know that he has blessed our lives with this miracle child who just keeps beating the odds.
He was born into a great family. Trevor and his family seems like they are a perfect fit for our family. Steve is like a long lost twin in so many ways. I am glad that he and his wife have form day one been nothing but special to me and my family.
It is because of them that Karina has such a great husband that has been a blessing in her and our life.
I want to put a slide show together to help explain better how I feel about my wonderful and patent children.
Linda is the reason for everything good in our life. After more than 31 years I am amazed at how blessed I am that she is who she is.
I am truely blessed. I know familes can be hard for some peopel and I want to stay so much more in touch with mine. I can't wait until my little family unit is all together this August.
In a year we have gone from this
To this.........................
Life is really good.


Shayla said...

Its amazing to me how its so easy to get caught up in the here and now that we can easily forget where we have been. Its so wonderful to know that miracles happen. I can't wait till August!!!
Life really is a wonderful thing.

Tamar and Trevor said...

In my mind I have been composing the same post. I get so caught up in thinking about tomorrow that I forget to be grateful for today and the blessings that have been so abundant in my life. I love you lots and can't wait...4 more weeks!

Porter Family said...

You made me cry you turkey. I know for certain that I've never known more than I did then that Heavenly Father knows us exactly. Thanks for having such a great family and for the blessing we get to be a part of your lives.

Karina & John Calderwood said...

made me cry too! It's a great reminder to be thankful for everything that we have in life, even the trials! :) Love ya!